motherhood

You know I never realized how much my Mom did until I became one. My Mom always told me that someday I would understand what she goes through on a daily basis and I didn't believe her. I thought that it would be easier I guess or that I would be different somehow. But now I understand a little more of what her life consisted of for many years. The other day I was just thinking and I realized that there is no one on earth that will ever know Kelsey longer than I do. I mentioned this to Brian and then he reminded me that that was like our Mothers. It sure made me appreciate my Mom a lot more and made me realize that all those times when I didn't think that she new best... well she did!! My prayer is that my daughter will figure that out sooner than I did.
I really do love motherhood, even though there are days that I wonder what I've gotten myself into. Like last week.... it was a rough week in the Degelder household. The temp was quite warm and that of course always makes one a little more cranky and Kelsey and I had a busy few days at the end of the week. This resulted in cranky Mom and Baby. (Daddy was just fine... which was a blessing!!) Kelsey was refusing to nap and then was taking forever to go down at night. I spent so many hours of my day just holding her and then to put her to sleep it was a workout. I HAD to stand up (she didn't want it any other way) and I had to rock and swing her so hard I thought that my arms would fall off. And this would last for sometimes up to 1/2hr. The breaking point finally came friday night. I was DONE!! I couldn't do it anymore. That eve it took both of us 3 hrs to get Kelsey down for night. After that night and after talking to some family we finally decided to let her cry it out that eve if it happened again. I just couldn't do it anymore. My in-laws and sister and brother in law were over for the eve and after getting her down around 9 with no problem we thought it was going to be a good night. Nope! she woke up around 9:30... with big smiles ready to go again! So Brian and I looked at each other and said ok... this is it! So we let her cry. 35 min. later she fell fast asleep and slept the whole night. It was the hardest 35 min. of my motherhood life! (other than the actual delivery of course! :) ) But since then nap and nights have been much easier. There is still some crying but usually if I go back in and give her her soother again she will fall right asleep. This is making it much easier. As hard as it was it has made me a much happier Mom and I think in the long run it will be much better for Kelsey. I would rather do this now than when she's 2 yrs old and can get out of bed and she can talk back to me.
So after that... let me tell you of the wonderful moments of the past few days.
I LOVE IT WHEN SHE SMILES!! There is something so incredibly wonderful when she looks directly at you and gives you this grin that takes up her whole face. Or yesterday when we were at a friends birthday party. Brian was holding her and she was facing me and as I was talking to someone else she just kept grinning and smiling, especially when my conversation would get more excited... she would respond accordingly. I love it!! Also she's been starting to figure out her voice. She now will just sit there and "coo" to herself. She's finding out that she can do different sounds and she will sometimes do this for a long time all by herself. Before she would only do it when you would "talk" with her.
Kelsey does not usually cuddle. She would prefer to look around and see what there is to see. but every once and awhile when she's very tired she will rest her head on my cheek, still with her face looking out so she can see things, but she will just hold her head there. I love those moments... and treasure them because they are few.
I look forward to many more trials and tribulations that come with motherhood, and I thank my Lord Jesus for blessing me so much with this family.